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Srebrna, Skald Arkadii (and thoughts on writing)

Archive for the ‘Good Evening’ Category

Have a Nice Life, Mr Darcy

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“My family?” she raised her brows in question.

“Yes! For one thing, your mother. Always talking. And she sticks to people as if she was covered with super-glue. And does not know when to be quiet and stop babbling about money. Or rank. And is so… so… obnoxiously flattering. I could not move because she was all the time looking at me, talking to me, asking me some inane questions about tea or cake or dinner, and I thought I would never be able to swallow even a bit of this chicken after she described the smallest details of how it was prepared. I… I can’t stand this noise! She babbled about my money – all the time – and about Charles’ money and about how good it would be to have such nice suitors for her daughters… she invited us for dinner and just didn’t want to hear about our previous plans!”

“I see.”

“And I just… I just don’t understand how you and Jane can be her daughters. Aren’t you adopted or something?”

Her face went white for a moment, making all her freckles to stand out.

“No, thank you for the compliment. How nice to know you consider my mother a twit. I gather you prefer other type of parents…?”

“Of course. Quiet, dignified…”

“Yes. So someone who is always talking – quietly – about others, not letting them be and sticking her nose into every conversation, be it public or private, who talks about rank and money, all the time comparing one people to other, who asks questions only to override the answers with her own opinion, who oversees others’ lives in detail, starting from the number of children they should have to the brand of birdseed for their canary, who talks about rich fianc├ęs for her daughter and niece and who does not even accept the fact that others can have different opinion, or their own, unconnected plans, is much better?”

It was now his turn to stare at her in astonishment.


“And I suppose the fact that I talked back to your Aunt is something you would view as a proof that I’m indeed my mother’s daughter, yes?”

“Why, yes! You were abominably rude, in fact, that was the moment I was pretty sure I don’t want to ask you out.”

Her eyes flashed angrily.

“Rude? I was rude because I told her it’s not her business whether I’m sleeping around or not? Because I told her I won’t let her know my salary? That I don’t care for her advice about “appropriate, economical make of car for poor office girls”? I was rude??”

“Well, you were a guest in her house!”

“As you were a guest in my mother’s house, and I didn’t see you behaving any better! In fact, you were downright awful when you told my mother you won’t sit where she suggested and that you don’t take your tea with milk. I know she is not the most polished host around, but you know what? She intends her guests to feel comfortable and that’s why she behaves so – she doesn’t know how to do it otherwise. Your esteemed Aunt Cattie only means for her guests to feel worse and she is simply the best in this. And you know what else? If you feel Jane and I are adopted – well, I think nobody would make a mistake and take you for an adopted nephew. I wonder that people don’t take you for her son! But I forgot! You will soon be her son – or did I mishear the boasting about you and Anne? And the pre-nup arrangements she wanted you to make? Well, I hope you are happy with your anorectic cousin – she will not marry you for money, nor for position and prestige. And you will surely produce good heirs to Darcy fortune, well-bred, well-brought up, dignified, poised and proper.”

She stood up from the table and threw a few bills on the table.

“Here, for my coffee. So that you didn’t feel taken advantage of. Have a nice life, Mr Darcy.”

“Elizabeth, wait! I don’t want to mary Anne. I want to marry you. If only you…”

“What? Were less outspoken? Had a star career at a corporation instead of being independent? Or bowed and curtsied every time your family honours me with their presence and attention?”

“No! But could you slow down… like, calm a bit?”

“Would I be able to work at my agency?”

“No way! It would be absolutely unseemly!”

“To go for vacation fishing at my grandpa’s lake?”

“If any newspaper got even a sniff of this…”

“Walk out in jeans? Go jogging without bodyguards? Stay in bed until noon?”

He closed his eyes.

“So, basically, you love me, you want me to be attentive to your family, to cut my ties with my family, to change my lifestyle to suit yours, give up my job and take another under your command and, additionally, sleep in your bed and be available?”

He swallowed hard.

“If so, I have an ideal candidate for you. Obedient, flexible, in awe of your family, appropriately trained in bowing, is able to dress for official occasion if directed by an authority. Only the sleeping arrangements may be a problem, but you would probably get used to it, after all, every other ‘pro’ is in place.”

He inhaled, but stayed silent.

“The only person who could have something against is Charlotte. I don’t think she would be supportive of Bill hooking up with you…”

Written by Srebrna

2013/07/29 at 14:27