My fanfiction and other random ramblings

Srebrna, Skald Arkadii (and thoughts on writing)

What actually is Santa’s secret?

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How does he manage this wonderful feat of going all around the world in one night and delivering gifts to all children who believe in him?

Well, my dear, the whole thing about Santa is that it’s almost all fake. Not all, but almost.


Well… when Santa Claus – actually, Saint Nicolas – started the whole gift-giving thing, he was all about the children in dire need (or in not so dire one, but still hard to fulfill). He wasn’t very strong at maths, though. He guessed, more or less, the number of people on Earth (of which he knew mostly Europe) and so also guessed the number of children he would need to visit. He was wrong in both cases.

After a few dozen years he noticed that although he’s trying to give something to each little tot he can reach, there are still many, many children left with no gifts.

So you know what he did? He created the first franchise ever in the whole world.

Franchise is when someone has a great idea but doesn’t want to produce more or work longer, so he sells others the idea and allows them to use his plans, logo and whatever is needed so that they can imitate him (or her).

Santa found some very nice people who also were all about the children and shared with them the general goal of giving the kids something to brighten the very middle of winter. Very middle of winter is a dark, cold and usually quite unpleasant time, so everyone needs something to brighten it.

So Santa gave away some “info-packs” that covered the dates, general timelines of gift-giving, shared the access to his toy factory and helped his new friends to set up their own routes and ways of working, like in properly managed teamwork. It wouldn’t do for them to go to one child twice and to miss another, after all.

So they divided their duty areas more or less by the country borders (more or less, as this changes constantly) and Saint Nick could kick back a bit and be sure that when he is falling on his face after his deliveries, someone else, like Kris Kringle, is delivering his part in Americas.

Turned out that it was a good idea, as not only he found more humans to be living on Earth that he counted originally, but also, well… they multiplied. Each year there were more children to visit and if he tried to cover all these cities and villages in only one night he would have disappointed so many. But by sharing the task with others – Sinterklaas (and Zwarte Pietr), Father Christmas (who didn’t want to tell anyone his actual true name), Ded Moroz (who was better suited to long journeys through empty Siberia), and even several Angels (who skive off their choir hours on that day) – he managed to spread the pressure a bit.

Now, sometime around 17th or 18th century there came a question of upgrading the toy factory. The thing is, elves are very, very traditional. Little guys, very creative, terribly kind and highly intelligent but not that good as far as change is considered. I mean, come on. They still think all gifts for all kids in Europe will fit in one sack (I admit, it’s a big sack, bigger on the inside even, but still it’s not bottomless!). They think the number of children in Finland is below 1000. They… well, they really aren’t big on change.

So they went on strike when told to do something more modern than just soft dollies and toy soldiers.

After two months Santa gave up, changed into his civilian garb and went shopping. Fortunately the rare metals collected by them all over the years and treasures found by accident did fund a good shopping spree in one of the then-new malls. He shared the solution with his friends and they all agreed that elves got way too stubborn about their traditions, and as the world was changing, kids wanted something more sophisticated. Kids change much faster than elves do, that’s for sure.

So you want to know why you see a toy of one of well-known brands under your Christmas Tree? That’s exactly why. Sometimes, somewhere, Santa still manages to drop off a few simple dolls or a jack-in-a-box, or a toy wagon made by elves, but in most cases he just steals off to the mall and goes shopping. In the summer, of course, when there is more chance of getting a great deal on a five dozen boxes of LEGO, a hundred kites, a thousand balloons and several crates of assorted electronic noise-makers.

So if you see a big man with a trolley full of toys in July, just look the other way and whistle. Don’t let him know you’ve spotted him. He’s really shy.


Written by Srebrna

2013/12/06 at 03:26

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